My name is Roberto Allen Ackerman and I am a Loser. I wasn’t always a Loser. In fact, before puberty and the horrific, bodily betrayals that followed, I was one of the popular ones, one of the Elite, but I suffered the fires of biological change poorly and descended into the darkest regions of nerd-dome. Needles to say, life is hard when you’re a Loser and you might think that, being a Loser, I had hit rock bottom of the Social Ladder. You would be wrong. I was unwashed, unclean, and unwanted but I had not completed my transition to an F1 Nerd, a Finger of God Nerd, just yet. It took the first day of school to complete that last herculean step into complete rejection.
But no more. I have a Plan and the Plan begins now. And it starts with Running. Oh, yes, you’re going to have to run again, Roberto. Run, Roberto, run! So next year will be different. I will be well liked. I will be popular. I will be welcomed with open arms into the circle of the Socially Elite because I am a survivor. I am a winner. At least, that was the Plan until the aliens invaded. Or, more accurately, when they moved in down the street from me. In a big U-Haul truck. With their beautiful daughter Hanna. And then things really got out of control. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Stranded in the geek wastelands, banished to the farthest reaches of nerd-dome, betrayed by his own body, Roberto Allen Ackerman, lost in the depths of social rejection begins his long climb out of obscurity.
For anyone who has been a Loser, this story is for you for no matter how far you have fallen, there is always a way up.
And that way up was Hanna.
She was pale green, a little lighter than her brothers but clearly green. And alien. And female. Oh, yes, so very female. She wore a white, shiny bodysuit that clung to her body from her neck to her ankles with a matching skirt wrapped around her waist. Like the other Paz, her eyes were huge, but instead of the normal jet black, her corneas were an electric blue. She had a small, almost flat nose, and wide, thick lips. She wore her hair in a very human looking blond bob that stopped just above her shoulders.
Hanna Irsis Paz; so alien, so remote, so mind numbingly, nerd-annihilatingly beautiful and far removed from Robert that he had a better chance of meeting the Slovakian Rock Pope or maybe Baby Jesus than of meeting her. He slowly felt his world collapse into a shrinking singularity of focus; Hanna. But how could a small, obscure Loser like himself every hope to catch her eye let alone become her friend? Through daring acts of valor, cunning, and lots of foul, foul language, that’s how, Robert thought as he strapped on his metaphorical Balls of Steel and launched himself into the void.